The End is in Sight...

Is it the end of the world? or the end of College? For all I know it is the end of both.

Right now I have no motivation to write a paper or prepare for a couple presentations. I have given up on a few small assignments that I technically should do but I can still get a decent grade without doing them.

Life has been strange. It has been a mix of joy, pain, awesomeness and complicated drama.

When people find out I am graduating, they always respond with questions like: What are you doing next? Why aren't you married yet? What can you really do with Anthropology? Are you going to grad school?

The answer to all these questions right now is I am unsure of the Future. I only know a few things. First, I am going to find a Real Job, one where I can earn money and stop living pay check to pay check, not that I dont love living like this, but recently I think that I would rather be homeless than live pay check to pay check.

Second, I am glad I am not married yet. I feel like Heavenly Father has a plan for me and it is ok that I am not married.

Third, You can do everything/anything you want with Anthropology. I love Anthropology because is it has taught me to see others as the Savior sees them, it has taught me that the outside is a reflection of the inside but you can never know what is happening on the outside until you look under the surface and dig deep to understand the aspects that influence someone. I also have learned I can never really walk a mile in anyones shoes fully. There are things I can understand and try to understand, but I can only observe and recognize and acknowledge what they are experiencing.  I can only try to understand, and in some ways I should try to understand in other ways it is ok that I do not understand. That is why they go through it and can express what they have learned. And I can only imagine what it means to face what they go through. In all things Christ has faced what each of us has, he is the only one that has walked a mile in our shoes. Anthropology has also taught me that there is so much good in the world among the bad and when you seek out good, that is what you will find, and vice versa.

Fourth, am I going to Grad school?
That is a good question. I would like to sometime but I do not know if I will get there. Recently I have been thinking about the skills that I have and the things that I truly love doing. I love teaching, I love technology and I love people. So maybe I will become a teacher or I will work in Public Relations.
The good news is that the world is not ending in a few weeks so I can figure it out.

Overall, Right now I feel a bittersweet victory. I have accomplished something that I have focused on, worked on, prayed about, cried about, fought for, and given my all for. I made it. But have I really made it? I think that right now is the end but also the beginning of a new adventure, a new place for me to learn, grow, and strive to be who I want to become.

I can never put in words what my heart is saying every time it beats.

It beats slow, and it beats fast. It hurts but it feels peace. It doesn't stop beating. It beats slow and fast.

Am I prepared for this next step?
Maybe I have doubts about what it means to be prepared for this, but I am ready to give life a try. I am ready and I have learned that with every change brings the unexpected. Unexpected happiness, trials, frustrations and skills.

Bring on the unexpected. Bring on the unknown. Here I am stepping into the dark with the hope and the sight to see the light at the end.

Life gets faster and faster...

I have been doing my undergraduate research recently and I have been learning a lot. I thought I was good at socializing before but I am realizing I sure still have a lot to learn about listening. I also have spent more time thinking about the blessings that have come from being home, my calling at church and also having a concussion.

For the most part I have been thinking a lot about Christ and His life and what it means to apply the atonement in my life, what it means to go through the repentance process. Today, I taught the Relief Society lesson and I used the water with food coloring drops being put in and applying the atonement was like pouring in the bleach. Which actually does take the color out of the water, I was slightly surprised.

So for the list of blessings from having a concussion:
- I got time to wind down from a hard few years at school.
- I got to spend time with my family and particularly Joslyn and Reid.
- I was able to make and be friends with Katlin Dexter
- Learning to put myself first. Understanding my priorities.
- Learning my own personal limits.
- Learning that time heals all wounds and that it is ok that it takes time for healing.
- My relationship with Jesus Christ was and continues to be strengthened because I had time to think, ponder, listen, pray and feel the Holy Ghost influence my life.
- I finally got time to work through some of my own concerns and scars from other parts of my life.
- I learned to let things go that are beyond my control, I think I am still learning this.
- I learned that I have to organize my time and to use my time effectively.
- I learned that I have to write things down, so I can remember them.
- I learned to be more organized in my brain and in my life.
- I learned to think better, think clearer.
- I learned how to understand my own thought processes and start to change them when I am thinking about things that are not positive.
- I am learning/learned to be flexible with my time/plans/schedule.
- I learned that those who really care will make the effort to make my life easier.

Overall, I know that it may not have been or will be the happiest experience in my life, but there are blessings. Like it says in the song " What Faith Can Do"  You have to face the clouds to find the silver lining. There is silver lining in my life even though it is kind of a storm right now.

The joy is I know that I can make it through any storm as long as I continue to include my Father in Heaven in my plans and as long as I trust that Christ's suffering and atonement really works and can heal all wounds.

Another Crazy Start here at the Y

Wow...
Time fly's by so fast. I cannot believe it is the middle of September already. It seems like just yesterday I went home for the summer, left for Germany, was an EFY Counselor, and was killing mosquitoes, was a the beach in Oregon, and then at Kelli's wedding.

I am doing well enjoying my classes a lot. Learning a bunch about applied anthropology, medical anthropology and evolution. It is interesting to learn at here at BYU and see how much of it really does influence the rest of the world. I also have been starting to figure out what and where I should do my field work. I also have decided to try to go to grad school and get a masters in medical anthropology. Maybe just maybe I can have an influence on the world by going into this particular subject or field.

We will definitely have to see, where this will take me, I am excited and nervous all at the same time.

Another class I am really enjoying is my Family History class. I am learning how to do research and learning a lot about my ancestors and the legacy they left behind. It is crazy for me to realize that these people are real, they once lived here on this earth. They wanted to be remembered, and they wanted to be happy too. It blows me away... they are not just a name, they really lived.

I am really happy. Enjoying my new ward, and meeting new people. This weekend I have a ward social which I am really excited for. It should be great! Overall, I have just been enjoying my life one day at a time, trying to focus on now and the things that I am faced with, and for the most part I have been really happy!

Can you meet me half-way?

           Right up the borderline that's where I'm gonna wait...for you.

The semester is over half way through, and I really wish that I could be done, I am in need of a break, my brain is starting to get fried like french fries. ButI am learning so so much. 

I have been learning a lot about music, literature, art, symbols, and cultures from the 15th century up until our day. For my anthropology class I also have been reading a book called Let Your Words Be Few: Symbolism and Silence in Quaker Ideology, By Richard Bauman.  So far I have read about the importance of silence in their culture, and how they only speak if they feel if God is speaking through them. I wonder how much less we would say if we all did this. I also wonder if it would change how well we listen to each other and the spirit, would we be able to follow and hear promptings more? Is it important to take that quiet time each day to hear your own thoughts. Bauman also talks of how they believed that silence was a way to line your will up with God's, you are giving yourself to God. 

I am enjoying this book more than anything else, it is increasing my understanding of symbols and how real everything is in my life. Symbols surround us: words, language, sounds, pictures, our name, time, personality, personhood, colors, shapes, acronyms, light and darkness, right and wrong, facial expressions, body movement, and emotions/feelings. 

It is crazy to think about how these things are all around us, making it hard to know exactly how else we would express ourselves, share our ideas if we didn't have words or pictures.

I also am starting to feel homesick a little. Missing my siblings, and my parents, missing my older sisters and brother-in-laws, and my niece. I am ready to spend some more time with them, to laugh, to be me, to just be with them and enjoy their company. I sure love them and it has taken me a long time to see how important they are to me, I really could not live without them. They are a huge part of me, and I am so happy they are such a big part. As we have all grown up and changed, learned and grown, we have been able to support each other more, and love each other more. I wish they could meet me in Idaho for the weekend. lol. 

I feel a big change coming on in my life and I am not sure what it is. I hope I am ready for it.

A NEW YEAR

Its a new year...

Along with 2010 comes a few new things to my life.

1- New major...Anthropology here I come.
2- New classes and Semester
3- New roommates
4- New ward at church
5- New students to fail...jk...more like teach and help.
6- New page in my life.
7- New friends.
8- New experiences with the old friends
9- New perspective on life and where I should be going
10- New times with a special new person.

All in all its like a fresh start on life. Im so excited to see where this year will take me and how I will grow and be better. I have thought about the last year and where I was and how far I have come. I really am a new person, truly myself and much happier. All of which I account to the hard work I have been doing for myself in seeing that I am a good person, it took me a long time to see it but its true... I wish you all the best of luck and many blessings ove rthe next year. Sometimes trials and blessings in disguise that would be what I truly learned this year.

Good luck and bring on a new decade. 2010!

Baby its cold outside....

Wow, its sure been a while since I last posted. Much has happened, and in many ways thing shave been crazy but good. Teaching a class here at BYU every friday and loving it, sometimes I lose my patience with my students but they seem to lose patience with me first, arguing that they are right...gotta love technical people. lol.

It snowed for the first time on the ground yesterday, and the mountains are beautiful. I want it to stay retty but not be so cold. I have also been learning to play racquetball, it is my new favorite sport, just make sure you wear those goggles or you can go blind. I have been enjoying living in a house but I am ready for my own space a little, mostly I think I am ready for a break. I totaled my car in late October, and things have been slow, walking really does take up so much extra time, its crazy how much we take things for granted until they are gone.

It is so strange to think how so many things are going on yet, we still find tie to do the things that matter most to us. It makes me very grateful for those who take the time to truly talk and be with me. Grateful for the one life I do have.

And as we start this thanksgiving and soon to be Christmas I hope we all can remember our blessings and try to live each day to the fullest helping those around us, and seeing the good in life, even when we are surrounded by so much bad.

a new season is coming once again.

back and not black...haha... still white as ever... especially because my tan has faded

so back at BYU. learning lots. growing lots as a person in many ways. living situations are much better. and i am getting closer to finding a major. either in pre-med and a few others.

most of the things going on in my life relate to school and work.
I teach an anthropology lab and I have been enjoying that a lot.

recently I have been thinking about friends and the influence that they have on ones life. a true friend makes life better, they give back they enhance your life, when you are sad they are there when they are said you in return are there for them.

so now the time has come to gather the wheat and get rid of the tares. gather the good and get rid of the bad. whatever the bad may be in my life.

General Conference was very very good. It reminded me of how important I am to Heavenly Father. That he loves me and knows me for who I really am, and no matter what happens he always loves me the same.

So as you face the things in your life, see the good and get rid of the bad. easier said than done. but don't give up and do what you feel is right. there is lots of good in the worlds if only you let yourself see it.

Summer so Fa!

so my summer adventure so far... well right now it consists of work and then then sleeping and that is about it. At work i search for standing water ( the stuff the doesn't move or flow) where skeeters lay their eggs and then those eggs go through the life cycle and then become blood suckers lol. I drive round in a truck tons from spot to spot where you dip a white enamel cup into the water look at the water you bring up which has lots of bugs and weeds etc. then if there are more then 4 larva in the dip you treat the water, but you dip in about 6 different spots to see how big of an area you have to treat. Each day I see a variety of animals ranging from cows, dogs, horses, tons of bugs including gross ticks, mice, rats, spiders, groundhogs, gofers, owls, snakes three different kinds, bunnies, tadpoles, and i think that is about all of them, but it is cool to see new things and explore a lot of the area around where i grew up i find cool places to go all the time :) Also at work we break apart beaver dams all the time because they make the go from flowing to standing which creates a lake for breeding mosquitoes. It is pretty crazy!

I am enjoying being home with my family but it has pros and cons just like everything else. I am in a singles ward for church meeting new people and trying to find fun things to do. It is nice to chill with my siblings and parents when they are not in school or working. I am also getting a pretty great tan. I spend most of my time outside each day except for sunday. We are growing strawberries like mad so i spend a decent amount of my free time there. lol. We just planted more apples trees and put in a sprinkler system all around my house. It is pretty exciting but strange because home is changing as time goes by but nothing stays the same all the time. At least a few things are consistent like the grass always grows and there is always food I can eat here. lol.

Also I listen to the radio all the time at work cause we have the truck that doesnt havea tape deck or a cd player... but there is a song by nickelback that has made me think a lot about where and waht i want to do with my life its called "If today was your last Day." If you want something motivational here is a link to watch the video and listen to it... its most of the song and its a clean video and sends the message well...

http://www.mtv.co.uk/artists/nickelback/video/if-today-was-your-last-day

Anyways, that pretty much sums up things going on with me. and sorry it took so long to post again, many crazy things happened at school and life, but now things are slowing down a little.
Have a happy day!

its in you...

Its in You- by anna

you look up into the sky,
you look down as you cry.

you hear someone there,
you turn back and get a death glare.

you listen to the rain as it falls,
you try to keep standing tall.

you yearn for truth and light,
you search and wont give up that fight.

you try to reach out to others,
you feel like you just smother.

you ponder whats right,
you see hope in sight.

you are strong and brave and true,
you dont need anyone else to love you.

you have one true friend,
you know that He is there till the end.

you wish that life was less,
you try to shake the stress.

you know if there's a will there's a way,
you know that if it comes to anything just pray.

you are not alone, never let go,
you can always trust in those that always know.

Hes not far, He hasn't forgotten you and your fight,
He is the one who will always stay true, and help you make it through the night.


I guess you could say I have gotten in to poetry over the last little while, but I have been thinking really hard about my life, where I stand now and where I want to stand in the future. Who I am and what I really want out of my life, and realizing that my life really depends on a few things, and change happens ad its hard, but as we go through that change We are not alone! There are people all around us and I think we are all fighting our own fight, inside we are all trying and doing our best, and we need help and hope.
Where do we get help and hope? Hope is the strongest power, its even stronger than love. And as we hope in things that can't let us down, like our Savior and our Father in Heaven, then we can be happy and we are able to recognize the trials that others face in their lives, and our lives in optimistic ways. We can help others and they can help us along this journey of life. We are not here on earth to be lonely. So I guess you could say I am challenging you to step outside the box, look around and see what you can do? I believe and know that as we bless others lives we are blessed in return. So go get 'em!

Also I want the Packard Family to know that I send all my love, and hope your way! And I know that everything will turn out just as Heavenly Father has planned.

somethings never go as planned...

So this week has already been long and its monday... lol. I guess I am jsut trying to hard to get everything in and make things work how they should that I am just getting tired of it all. Tired of all the busy work, tired of getting up in the morning, tired of eating food... and lots of other things too. But when it comes down to it I still eat food, still get up in the morning, and I still go to school and learn. I think that when they say you have to endure to the end in the scriptures thats what they mean still doing it even when its hard. There is still hope there has to be hope in something. So i am going to try to list things I hope for and can depend on to not change:

The sun will come up tomorrow. And the next day. and every day after that.
The gospel is true, which in turn means God loves me and knows my needs.
I hope that I can do well this semester.
I hope I find a major.
I hope I make things better with my friends.
I hope that I can find internal happiness that is always there.
I hope to get married and have a family.
I hope that there is more to life than just going through the struggle.
I hope that my family knows I love them and miss them.
I hope that I can gain weight.
I hope to find someone who loves me as much as I love them.
I hope that this semester will go by fast, and this summer will go by slow.

Theres lots I hope for, and think about. Recently I have been slightly put out. Unsure of tomorrow or even the next few hours. I am trying to do my best so I guess that is what counts overall. And as time goes on everything else will fall away and the things that really matter will still be there and those things will be worth it. So I will keep going and kep trying and even if I have to keep trying alone it will be worth it right?

a one hat, tennis shoes, basketball shorts day... but somehow it still turned out alright

Today was a one hat day... maybe even a two hat day...
and I have been thinking deeply about a lot of things, someone told me told that I think to much, read into things too much, and maybe even over analyze all I do and say. They do have a valid point I feel like I do think too much, so much that I have been regretting everything I do even though it is not bad or anything.

So I am sitting here in my room on the shag carpet floor, pondering the last few weeks and what has occurred in my life and those around me. I have been meeting new people, and reconnecting with old friends, while still trying to balance things with my good friends... it has been crazy. I feel like an emotional roller coaster was the ride of choice. And now I am going to get off, wearing my shoes, a hat and basketball shorts and a baggy t-shirt. Time to face the world, and stop being afraid. Time to let people be people and take what I can receive but expect nothing in return. The Savior gave it all and He expects nothing in return, I need to be more like that.

Today I was thinking about the atonement and a few things really stood out to me about the sacrifice that Christ has made for each of us. These things really have been on my mind...

- He already paid for my mistakes. They are already covered by the atonement.
- Christ knows I am not perfect and that I will make mistakes.
- He does not keep track of all my little or big mistakes, yes He knows that things happen but He knows the true intentions of my heart, and what I am trying to do.
- He sees the good in me, and still loves me even though I have flaws.
- Christ always takes me back, He won't push away someone that is trying to "come unto him".
- He has felt all my pains, afflictions, stress, worry, heart ache, and sorrow.
- Christ knows me personally, by name.
- He loves me even though I make mistakes, He knows I wont be perfect but he will accept all I can give him.

Also today in my mission preparation class we were talking about how to teach with the spirit, and how to teach about repentance and how to help others feel the spirit. As I was talking with my companion, some random person sitting next to me, we both shared our testimony of the gospel and of what the spirit feels like, and how we feel about the atonement. It was such a different experience for me, I rarely share my testimony with individuals mostly in big groups. And then these thoughts came back to me, from a discussion earlier I had with a friend about the atonement, and I think I am starting to realize how true these simple statements are.

And in all honesty it is easy to say the words, but to really believe them in my heart and mind, that is what is so hard. But truly believing, that is complete faith. That complete faith is what makes life worth living for, the hope you can find and feel that is part of what this is all about.

So all in all somehow everything turns out ok. Its all ok in the end, if its not ok its not the end.

as to the whole hat, shoes and shorts.. I am actually glad I have a hard floor to sit on that has carpet and that I have clothes that keep me warm, and a hat just helpsme feel like a 5 year old again that never worried about what anyone else thought and was happy to do whatever was going on. Maybe this silly 19 year old can be more like that 5 year old again, happy with everything, and anything that is good and enjoyable.

This post is rather random and here and there but I tried to get it all to connect... lol

7,166 days of life... what does one day really mean?

I have been alive for 7,166 days.
Thinking about those days, and the concept of Time, when you look at each day it goes by slowly, some faster than others, and some slower than others, I think the days that seems to be the longest would include last summer where I sat in a park all day and essentially did nothing except eat Italian ice... lol.

But each day is simply that- a day- and if you look at it singly 24 hours seems like a long time. But as you look at 7,166 days being 171,960 hours, that is a lot of time. But where has it been spent? For about 71,000 hours have been spent sleeping- if I get 10 hours a night, but I take naps to make up for the last hours. About 20,000 of them have been spent sitting in a desk or lecture hall. The other 80,000 hours have been spent, watching movies, learning skills, reading, eating and making food, laughing, crying, going to church, doing homework not included in the sitting in classrooms, working, driving, sitting at stop lights, flying on planes, pulling weeds, singing songs, spending time with the family, picking strawberries, playing games etc.

Now individually they may not seem like much time but those days added up to weeks, then months then years. 19 years and some days. And every single one of those days made up my life. Every day makes up your life. We don't know how much "time" we have here on earth but I just have to say we should enjoy our days, living life to the fullest each day, making every day rich and full of happy memories, so that those days can add up to be happy years. And we all have trials and hard things we have to accomplish, but I can do hard things. And it is the every day patience and endurance that make the difference. Because all we have is today, yesterday is gone, and we don't know for sure if we have tomorrow. So live for today and live and plan for the future.

I am working on living for today drinking in the happy times and trying to leave behind the sad or hard. Don't give up and don't let go. I guess through all this I am trying to remind myself these same things, so I can face today wither I want to or not, but I have to because today is all I know for sure that I have.

Hopefully in this mess of words and numbers something is insightful.

stand in the rain...

Off to a rough start this new semester...
somethings seem to just be a waste of my time. I feel like I am giving it my all, my time, my effort, my mind, my heart, my strength, everything I got and its still not enough. Where did I go wrong? So I am starting over with the new year, I am going to get a new life. Make changes. Rely on myself. Be who I really want to be. and I am facing my worst fears, getting the strength to pick myself up off the ground, so I can stand in the rain. There is a song by Superchick called stand in the rain that says :

" She never slows down
She doesn't know why but
she knows that when
She's all alone feels
Like it's all coming down
She won't turn around
The shadows are long
And she fears if she cries
That first tear
The tears will not stop
Raining down

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain

She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself
And the fears whispering
If she stands, she'll fall down
She wants to be found but
The only way out is through
everything she's running from
Wants to give up and lie down

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
Stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain. "

So I will stand in the rain, and let it crash down, I just can't give up, and I can't give in. And NO ONE is GOING TO DRAG ME DOWN!!!

happy things...

This first week of school has been a killer. I haven't been very excited to start up again or all the papers I have to write for my generals classes. Figuring out a major is also pressing on my mind. But as I have cried tear water tea, thinking about short pencils and spoons that have fallen behind the stove, I finally let a lot of it out. But this post isn't to discuss all the things I am worried about but more the things that have given me hope when I thought there was none left...

So heres the list-

+ Thomas S. Monson gave an amazing talk yesterday at the CES fireside I encourage you to read it or see it if you didn't get the chance. It reminded me that I am strong, and I am good enough. I can do it and I can make it through hard things.

+ Also I got to see Claire and Eric randomly on Saturday because one of my friends went to Idaho so I met up with them and hung out, that was very good!

+ Today there were two little kids probably around the ages of 2 and 4 playing in the snow on a sidewalk as their mom stood there and read the newspaper. Both were dressed in their little snow suits, trying to put snow through the chain link fence. It just made me think back to my days when I was little, and how happy I was all the time not caring what anyone else thought. I realized thats how I need to be now. Yes it is important to care but I think I have been caring too much about other opinions. But those kids were so adorable I hope someday I can have my own adorable kids that can remind me of the simplicities of living life.

+ There is not too much for me to do yet, so I am not too busy to take naps.

+ I have awesome FHE brothers, and I realized that they really are always there for me.

+ Anthropology is interesting but probably not my passion in life, neither is biology... lol.

+ It is a new week which also means that next weekend is four days long!!!

+ Most of the ice on the sidewalks is melted so I don't have to worry about falling as often... still a little.

+ I forgot how much I absolutely love learning and using ASL, yes it gets slightly confusing at times but it sure is amazing being able to talk to people who are deaf :)

Theres my hopeful thoughts... I hope I can keep finding more, it helps me be happy! Have a happy day and don't forget to find the simple things because in the end those are the things that really mean a lot... referring to the George Straight song.

:)

Such an AMAZING christmas break...

If only it lasted longer!

I could go to all the places we did again for free... lol...
This break was definitely different but very good at the same time. It took a couple days to get where I was headed instead of the original few hours, but it was character building in the airport and learning that it is better to eat before you get to the airport. The first day I was there we just kinda relaxed went and ate at CHIPOLTLE, which is amazing by the way, and we did a little grocery shopping.



Then the next day my mom texted me during church cause they were trying to fly in with lots of silly delays because Spokane cant handle more than 2 inches and they had around 2 feet... then Monday and Tuesday we went shopping, then Wednesday I was lazy and slept in and enjoyed psych episodes all day then went Christmas caroling, then Christmas was fun opening presents and eating lots of sugar.




Then on Friday we went to Sea World in San Diego which was amazing! I got to touch sting rays and see shamu or shampoo as I would say...lol... and I learned about penguins and flamingos, and a bird that really was trying to impress my oldest sister so they could go jest skiing for a date. It was pretty cool to see everything up close! And what they could do to get the whales to swim the way they wanted them too was pretty cool too! We also saw Sesame Street in 4-D. Hence the cool Glasses!


Then Saturday we did more shopping I think... I cant remember this day very well... then on Sunday we went to church, and took a nice nap.
On Monday we started out with a bang by going to Knotts berry farm... riding these awesome coasters, it was hilarious to see how psyched out Reid was and how Joslyn wanted to ride every scary ride in the park... then it turned into they all wanted to ride scary ones, which was fun... I think the ride that freaked me out the most was the supreme scream, where they pull you up 254 feet then drop you, it freaked me out worse cause the lady whose seat I took was crying when she got off... so I shut my eyes for the first half and the second half I was telling joslyn to breath. It was a rather exciting day. We all rode the silver bullet multiple times, so I think that was the favorite out of us all. I was so proud that my parents even went on roller coasters with us.


Then on Tuesday we slept in a little went to an island right off the edge of the bay in San diego... I cant remember what it is called... it states with a C it it is not for cookie... lol...
that was cool and we took lots of really cute pictures. We also saw the San Diego Temple which was beautiful! Then we went and looked at Old Town and then we went to the harbor to look at the boat from the movie master and commander.

Then on Wednesday my parents pulled a fast one by telling us we had an outing, Josh kept saying we were going to Vegas to earn money for college but I didn't believe him that much! So we head toward L.A. and I am not even thinking about what we are going to do... we pull into Hollywood and Jos and Reid get this really sad look on their faces, they were so disappointed, so we park the car and go for a little walk down Hollywood blvd. It was cool to take pictures with the stars on the ground and the ones dressed up... I really didn't steel there treasure, I just wanted to look at it!

Then my parents are like k lets go eat now we cant be late of course i just thought we were going to eat with my cousin that lives in L.A. and as we drive down the street we pass a theater that is playing Wicked. My brother had even asked my mom if we were going and my mom straight up lied to my brother and said we weren't going. So Jos and Reid didn't believe them until we were sitting in our seats, and Geneil figured out the secret before we even got there, I just have to say I was shocked and so excited. It was definitely an amazing experience and I would love to go see it again! We celebrated new years by playing Wackee six, which is also a way fun card game!

The next day my family flew home , and then I just relaxed and then played card games later that night, we tried to go see valkerye but the tickets were only front row and we didnt think it was worth it to pay full price to sit in the front row. So then I flew back to lovely Utah were there is tons of snow and ice, and now I wish i was back in the 75 degree weather, but soon enough I will be back home and I can enjoy the warm weather there too!

All in all it was a great vacation due to my parents creativity and Josh's German driving skills!
I am glad I went and really I wish i was there still, pretending to avoid reality, forgetting that classes start tomorrow, and that real life has to kick back in. Someone described it all as "my head is full of cobwebs that mean everything and nothing..."that about sums up my joyful feelings of starting school again. But it should be nice to start a new semester with new classes and some new roommates, along with new experiences. So here I come 2009! Time to start a fresh page!

Christmas Survey

'Tis the Season to be NICE!
A survey my little sister, Joslyn, sent me that got me thinking about Christmas and what it really means... so i put it on my blog...

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
Wrapping Paper is cooler to rip apart!
2. Real tree or Artificial?
I like both but artificial is what we have in washington... :)

3. When do you put up the tree?
around thanksgiving

4. When do you take the tree down?
after valentines day.

5. Do you like eggnog?
I sure do!!

6. Favorite gift to recieve as a child?
White bread and grape jelly... haha

7. Hardest person to buy for?
friends

8. Easiest person to buy for?
family

9. Do you have a nativity scene?
yes i used put the sheep and sheperds right up next to Jesus because if they are far away from him then they can't see him...

10. Mail or email Christmas cards?
snail mail, they seem more thoughtful :)

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?
there are no worsts at Christmas, unless someone gave you trash..

12. Favorite Christmas Movie?
Frosty, Rudloph, Santa Clause is Coming to Town, How the Grinch stole Christmas, any of those!

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
normally in november but this year about two weeks before...

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?
Once... lol

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
preferably food...... i mean it's impossible to eat milk... I agree with Jos on this one!

16. Lights on the tree?
Yes, white on the tree and colored outside the house!

17. Favorite Christmas song?
All of them, the ones focused on Christ more then the fun ones though

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?
generally we stay home but this year we are in california, which is just as cool, i am happy as long as i am with my family!

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's?
dasher, dancer, prancer, vixen, comet,cupid, doner and blitzen... cupid just makes me think of a cherub with an arrow shooting it at people- lol.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star?
Stars

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?
one the night before and the rest on christmas, family tradition :)

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year?
When flights get canceled because of snow, or driving is bad...

23. Favorite ornament theme or color?
Well mostly it is dark burgandy and hunter green with all the ornaments we have gotten over the years, some are made by my grandfather, and we get one from my parents every year too :)

24. Favorite time for Christmas dinner?
Whenever we have it, mostly with my dads family around 7 or 8.

25. What do you want for Christmas this year?
Things i need like bath towels and money for textbooks.. lol, i sound like an adult

26. What is your favoite part about christmas time?
I love the fact that it becomes about giving and not recieving, more about christ and his life and what he did, helping me to reflect on how i am being like him and giving to others, and being the best i can. It is also a happy time of year, where people actually care :)

Merry Christmas/Feliz Navidad, Ho Ho Ho, Sretan Bozic and Krisimasi Njema!!!!!!

so more random things i have seen include the following:

ice is slippery
socks keep your feet warm mostly
baseball hats make everything better
selling back textbooks means another supply of income
boys are overrated but at the same time they do mean something
sometimes its hard to sleep when you study too much
time goes faster if you don't look at your watch
Christmas is not about receiving it is about giving
arguments can be constructive and positive if you make them that way
there is more than one true love out there for you, its just finding the person who you click with the best.
the only way to get through hard thins is to keep going, "Just put one foot in front of the other."
people are people they have feelings, thoughts, hopes and dreams just like everyone else does.
sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.

more random insights... maybe i am thinking too much but then again maybe not...

Odd insights or maybe just random things...

odd insights... things I have recently been finding as I look around...

no liquids in the library except water
ice is slippery and can cause much pain if fallen on
scheduled exams are annoying but convenient, they make you be ready or not
mountains with snow on them look cool when the sun is starting to come up
salt is salty
snow is mostly white except if it touches the ground
it is important to always be ready for the unexpected
finals are final
christmas vacation will be two amazing weeks long
boys are silly when it comes to getting serious
technology is overrated
texting is getting annoying
christmas lights are happy
snow is cold
studying is tiring
pulling cookies in your friends car in an empty parking lot full of fresh fallen snow always lifts your spirits
expectations appear to never be met
friends mess up too
life is what you want it to be
facebook is getting old
Elf is hilarious, if you need to laugh watch it over and over
Naps make everything better
Food is important and can make things happy if you enjoy eating what you are eating
Christmas Trees mean more than you think they do!

I guess that theres lots more odd insights, but those are some of the random things i have seen over the last few days, good and bad, new and old, maybe you'll find something worth reading in this silly post...

Question me an answer...

so much to think about... it all runs together in randomness...

friends, school, work, family, home, Christmas, humanities, group project, my major, my minor, who i am, what i stand for, am i a good person, is it worth it, what do i need to do differently, what can i do to stop being so sad, what do i want in my future, who am i supposed to be friends with, do i want new friends how to i reach out to others, how do be who i was before, am i the only one feeling like this ???
I guess you could say i am thinking so much that i feel like i dont know what i am really thinking. IT just blurs together in a whirl wind, making wonder how to organize my thoughts so i can think clearly, honestly and helpfully , so i can figure it all out without being negative or beating myself up.

ANy ideas?

Well this is me and "BIG TIME CASH" hanging out at a dance... so exciting... lol... it was Halloween no worries we are only friends:)

I guess this was a pretty good Halloween compared to those in the past. And it was a good end to a challenging month. I am looking forward to November. Not only does it mean that the semester is half way done but it means that thanksgiving is here soon! that means going home!

Also I have been thinking a lot about change and how as time goes on things naturally change. Things change between friends, things change between family, things change over time, occasionally fast and occasionally slow. Some changes you don't see until its too late, and others you notice and you have no power to stop it. In reality, something Geneil said a while go really is the truth, "Being an adult is just getting used to change." How true that is! I think that no matter how old I get it will still be challenging to face and cope with change, maybe it will get easier.

As far as school goes, i am keeping my chin up trying to not be overwhelmed with the ridiculous amount of busy work professors give. I feel unsure about my major, but I will see how this semester turns out so that way I can go from here. There is a song that has been running through my mind that reminds me to take one step at a time. It is called "one step at a time" kinda obvious but its what the song says that remind me... This is the part of the song that comes to mind-

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

[Chorus:]
We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's
Supposed to happen and we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

I guess that really it will happen when it happens. Taking it a step at a time is a good way to make progress. No I am not prefect or anywhere close but if I keep focusing on my goal I will make it. Anyways, this was kinda a random post but I had to get some thoughts out, I have been keeping way too much to myself.