Is it the end of the world? or the end of College? For all I know it is the end of both.
Right now I have no motivation to write a paper or prepare for a couple presentations. I have given up on a few small assignments that I technically should do but I can still get a decent grade without doing them.
Life has been strange. It has been a mix of joy, pain, awesomeness and complicated drama.
When people find out I am graduating, they always respond with questions like: What are you doing next? Why aren't you married yet? What can you really do with Anthropology? Are you going to grad school?
The answer to all these questions right now is I am unsure of the Future. I only know a few things. First, I am going to find a Real Job, one where I can earn money and stop living pay check to pay check, not that I dont love living like this, but recently I think that I would rather be homeless than live pay check to pay check.
Second, I am glad I am not married yet. I feel like Heavenly Father has a plan for me and it is ok that I am not married.
Third, You can do everything/anything you want with Anthropology. I love Anthropology because is it has taught me to see others as the Savior sees them, it has taught me that the outside is a reflection of the inside but you can never know what is happening on the outside until you look under the surface and dig deep to understand the aspects that influence someone. I also have learned I can never really walk a mile in anyones shoes fully. There are things I can understand and try to understand, but I can only observe and recognize and acknowledge what they are experiencing. I can only try to understand, and in some ways I should try to understand in other ways it is ok that I do not understand. That is why they go through it and can express what they have learned. And I can only imagine what it means to face what they go through. In all things Christ has faced what each of us has, he is the only one that has walked a mile in our shoes. Anthropology has also taught me that there is so much good in the world among the bad and when you seek out good, that is what you will find, and vice versa.
Fourth, am I going to Grad school?
That is a good question. I would like to sometime but I do not know if I will get there. Recently I have been thinking about the skills that I have and the things that I truly love doing. I love teaching, I love technology and I love people. So maybe I will become a teacher or I will work in Public Relations.
The good news is that the world is not ending in a few weeks so I can figure it out.
Overall, Right now I feel a bittersweet victory. I have accomplished something that I have focused on, worked on, prayed about, cried about, fought for, and given my all for. I made it. But have I really made it? I think that right now is the end but also the beginning of a new adventure, a new place for me to learn, grow, and strive to be who I want to become.
I can never put in words what my heart is saying every time it beats.
It beats slow, and it beats fast. It hurts but it feels peace. It doesn't stop beating. It beats slow and fast.
Am I prepared for this next step?
Maybe I have doubts about what it means to be prepared for this, but I am ready to give life a try. I am ready and I have learned that with every change brings the unexpected. Unexpected happiness, trials, frustrations and skills.
Bring on the unexpected. Bring on the unknown. Here I am stepping into the dark with the hope and the sight to see the light at the end.
1 comment:
Hooray for graduating! It's such a fulfilling feeling, isn't it? Tied up with all that anxiety...
Anyway, I love what you put about what Anthropology has taught you. I've learned all of that too, but I guess I never realized some of it. I guess when you look at the world through an LDS anthropologist's eyes, you do really get to see it how Christ might. It's a cool insight into divinity, as well as humankind. Crazy stuff.
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