Left Brain or Right Brain... Who am I?

I am trying to understand my own predicament. I am trying to understand how I think and feel but even now a little past two years of getting a concussion I can say my life has changed forever, in so many good ways and in some unfortunate ways.

I have been reading up on the brain, and what the left and right hemispheres roles are and how they work together. From what i can tell the right side is visual, and remembers the now, and the left side brings in the details, puts in into perspective and helps organize the now in the scheme of our memories past, present and future. Both hemispheres bring a better memory and understanding of context of the now. Apparently one side is more dominent.  The left side is also where we understand and store our language capabilities, speaking, writing, the words themselves.

I have been thinking which side is more dominant for me now? Am I right brained or left brained?

I couldn't tell you which was the case before, I barely remember what I was like before. I know I could remember conversations for years, what people were wearing when I first met them, what we said, where we were and how it felt. Now I can hardly remember someones name, thankfully I recognize faces, and it is starting to get better remembering that is.

Before I could go back in time through my memories, I could remember things I learned, I could remember the funny things and the defining moments of my life. Now I cant remember some of my hardest times, on one hand it is good, on the other I wish I could remember more of the good things. I try to think back so I dont forget. I know that the memories are in there, it is just figuring out how to get the memories to connect.

I still have defining moments in my life, and I am thankful that I am living in the now instead of the past or the future. I still like to have a plan, but I know plans change and I am ok with that.  I do understand who I am and I am thankful for that, and I know that I am different than before and I am thankful for that too. I just hope as I continue on this journey that I will continue to change for the better and I will continue to learn how to understand myself, and to understand how my brain does influence my experience.

All in all I know I am not alone because this is what life is–figuring out who we are, are place in the world, are place with our families, our place with God. I am thankful to be alive and I am thankful to be  on this journey, good luck to you on yours. Don't give up and don't forget you are surrounded by people who are searching too.

Keep you head up, because its easier to see where you can go if you aren't looking down.

Its been a while... I am still alive!

Been a while.

Here I am being an adult...even though my mom says I have been one since I was 6.  Today I paid my bills online... Kind of a strange feeling. I also have a new car. And also my company that I work for was bought by another company... they keeping saying it will be such a good thing to go through for my career at such a young age.

I also live in a new city. And I continue to get lost until i find the main streets. You would think in Utah that every street would connect to I-15. lol.

I am excited for the summer and I am also realizing I am almost halfway to 50. I will be 24 soon. The ironic thing is many times I still look like, and get mistaken for a freshman...in high school. But the good news is, I am smart enough that people realize sooner than later I am not 15.  

I am very excited that my brother Reid comes home from his mission soon about 2.5 months. And in about the same amount of time I will be able to see my oldest sister and her family. I also hope by then i have somewhat of a tan.

I have been meeting lots of new people, caring, loving, people, for which I am so thankful. God is surely blessing my life as I continue to walk down the path.

I realized today that sometimes we dont recognize that we are on the right path until we have looked back after we continue walking unsure of where the path may be.

So i know this is short but stay on your path, follow your heart and mind, and dont be afraid of what is before you because it must be something great. 

Trying to Remember

The last month has been really interesting. Today particularly. I have been thinking back trying to remember things from my life. growing up, who I was then and who I am now. Things have been foggy. It is hard to remember back very far. The things I do remember were the hard things that I had to work through so i thought about them a lot, so it is easier to remember those times. Or times and things that I wish I never had to face.

Today I wish that I could remember more happy times. Specific happy times. I have times recently within the last couple of years, that I remember really well. Coming home for Christmas. Spending time with Joslyn and Reid, Mom and Dad. Going to Germany spending time with Geneil. Being an EFY Counselor. Teaching my favorite group of students. Graduating from BYU. And I faintly remember other times before that, but it is hard to grasp them. I am happy now.  But why can't I remember those other times too. 

I feel odd today. In so many ways, and I don't know the answer or reason. I dont know why it is hard to remember. I know that I got a concussion, but I am tired of chalking all of this memory trouble to that or my headaches or me asking someone the same question 5 or 6 times.

I feel so strange. I graduated from college? What? This was never going to come but here it is. This is dream like, but so real. I am scared I will wake up and it will all be gone. I am happy with who I am and I love myself again, one of the few times I have really loved myself my whole life. Is it just going to go away like it did before? Am I going to lose my best friends like I have every time I get them? 

I guess that what I am trying to say is that life is hard. Sometimes it is hard to understand and sometimes it is hard to know why or what is happening, but it is ok. Maybe today was a hard day and January was a good but hard month. But it is ok. Reality will come back sooner or later, and I pray everyday that all those happy memories will as well. 

A year in review...2012 and onto 2013

Looking back over this last year has been a blessing and a curse. Within the last year I have had many successes, many accomplishments, many trials, many embarrassments, but overall many new understandings.

Some successes, accomplishments, and exciting things:

At the Festival of Colors #4 

At the Coast. # 26

 



Christmas Morning # 29

1. I went back to school with a concussion, and memory problems.
2. I finished the semester with a Semester GPA of 3.53. 
3. I worked 2 amazing jobs, TA for Anthropology 101, and I was a Public Relations Representative for the BYU CFAC. 
4. I got to go to the Festival of Colors.
5. I made many new friends, that have helped me through some of the hardest times. 
6. I got to joy of having a new niece Laci and a few of my cousins and dear friends added to their families and mine too. 
7. I learned HTML and CSS (very basic). 
8. I learned how to play pinochle.
9. I went to a bunch of MOA exhibitions, some of my favorites included:  

Beauty and Belief: Crossing Bridges with the Arts of Islamic Culture

Think Flat: The Art of Andy Warhol and Takashi Murakami: Selections from the Freedman Family Collection and the BYU Museum of Art

In the Shadows of Timpanogos: Photographs by John Telford


10. I moved 2 times.
11. I wrote my Undergraduate Thesis.
12. I still had 2 jobs. 
13. I did not fail any of my classes my last semester.
14. I graduated from BYU with a degree in Socio-Cultural Anthropology. 
15. I gained weight, now time to lose a few pounds lol. 
16. I got to see my family in: April, May, August, October, November and December. 
17. I got to Skype with my Brother Elder Reid Empey who is serving his mission in Brazil. 
18. I learned a lot about communicating with others. 
19. I lost my phone and wallet and keys at least 40 times. 
20. I got to see Les Miserable in theaters. 
21. I got to ride in a gator for the first time. 
22. I got to teach my favorite Anthro 101 Lab. 
23. Ryan introduced me to a new game Mouse Hunt. 
24. I was introduced to doTERRA, and I love their products and oils. 
25. I still love Sheffield Cider. 
26. I got to spend time at one of my favorite places, The Oregon Coast. 
27. I got to know my parents better this year. "Did you know that you Rock today?" 
28. I got my hair cut super short :) 
29. I got a White Christmas, with a Beautiful Sunrise.  
30. I have friends and family who love me. 

I will skip the embarrassing things that happened. 

But overall I am just very thankful for this last year. I have grown in ways I didn't know were possible. My mind was opened, and I was able to learn and grow. I was able to learn and grow closer to God and to the Savior, Jesus Christ. I hope I was able to become more Christ-like, more loving, more understanding, and more patient. I am so thankful for another year to learn and grow. and hopefully not starve. 

I am most thankful for the opportunity to love and to be loved. Thanks for being part of this year. 

So far 2013 has been pretty good. I still cant believe that I am no longer in school. I think it might take a few months for this feeling to wear off.

Thanks Dad! # 27 

The End is in Sight...

Is it the end of the world? or the end of College? For all I know it is the end of both.

Right now I have no motivation to write a paper or prepare for a couple presentations. I have given up on a few small assignments that I technically should do but I can still get a decent grade without doing them.

Life has been strange. It has been a mix of joy, pain, awesomeness and complicated drama.

When people find out I am graduating, they always respond with questions like: What are you doing next? Why aren't you married yet? What can you really do with Anthropology? Are you going to grad school?

The answer to all these questions right now is I am unsure of the Future. I only know a few things. First, I am going to find a Real Job, one where I can earn money and stop living pay check to pay check, not that I dont love living like this, but recently I think that I would rather be homeless than live pay check to pay check.

Second, I am glad I am not married yet. I feel like Heavenly Father has a plan for me and it is ok that I am not married.

Third, You can do everything/anything you want with Anthropology. I love Anthropology because is it has taught me to see others as the Savior sees them, it has taught me that the outside is a reflection of the inside but you can never know what is happening on the outside until you look under the surface and dig deep to understand the aspects that influence someone. I also have learned I can never really walk a mile in anyones shoes fully. There are things I can understand and try to understand, but I can only observe and recognize and acknowledge what they are experiencing.  I can only try to understand, and in some ways I should try to understand in other ways it is ok that I do not understand. That is why they go through it and can express what they have learned. And I can only imagine what it means to face what they go through. In all things Christ has faced what each of us has, he is the only one that has walked a mile in our shoes. Anthropology has also taught me that there is so much good in the world among the bad and when you seek out good, that is what you will find, and vice versa.

Fourth, am I going to Grad school?
That is a good question. I would like to sometime but I do not know if I will get there. Recently I have been thinking about the skills that I have and the things that I truly love doing. I love teaching, I love technology and I love people. So maybe I will become a teacher or I will work in Public Relations.
The good news is that the world is not ending in a few weeks so I can figure it out.

Overall, Right now I feel a bittersweet victory. I have accomplished something that I have focused on, worked on, prayed about, cried about, fought for, and given my all for. I made it. But have I really made it? I think that right now is the end but also the beginning of a new adventure, a new place for me to learn, grow, and strive to be who I want to become.

I can never put in words what my heart is saying every time it beats.

It beats slow, and it beats fast. It hurts but it feels peace. It doesn't stop beating. It beats slow and fast.

Am I prepared for this next step?
Maybe I have doubts about what it means to be prepared for this, but I am ready to give life a try. I am ready and I have learned that with every change brings the unexpected. Unexpected happiness, trials, frustrations and skills.

Bring on the unexpected. Bring on the unknown. Here I am stepping into the dark with the hope and the sight to see the light at the end.

Perspective

Kathryn Shulz Ted 2011 :

" The miracle of your mind is not that you can see the world as it really is, but as it really isn't."

Some Talks on ted by Kathryn Shulz:

On Being Wrong 

Don't Regret Regret


It's All How You See It....Perspective it sure does a lot.

Starting my sixth year at BYU... Perspective.

So what a few years it has been. I feel like I did when I left for my first semester at BYU. So unsure of what is ahead, unsure of what the future holds. I had hopes for being a communications major, being successful at PR and married by now with everything all planned out. By the end of my sophomore year I realized that communications would be my minor instead. And by the end of my first semester of my junior year I knew Anthropology was the road I needed to walk. by the end of
my fourth year I was doing my own research and by the end of my fifth year I was ready to be done.

All along this journeying have been unsure of the road ahead but light has always shown me a few steps ahead. It has had many ups and downs. I have learned about myself and some of what I see I love and some of what I see I have really wished could be different. But here I am after almost six years, a much better person than I ever thought I could be. I learned compassion, understanding, that it is ok to have trials, it is onto change, and that everyone has things that are harder than what they want to face. I have learned what it means to have true friends and to be a true friend. I have learned it is about learning and the desire to grow versus the score I got on tests. I learned the God has been with me in the darkest and the lightest times and he will continue to do so. I have learned it is ok to show others that you are weak and that you are strong. That it is ok to love who I am and what I can become with Heavenly Father's help. I am still learning patience but eventually I will learn it :)

And here I am heading my sixth year and my final semester, I never thought I would make it this far. I would never make it to the end of the long hallway that is college. Yet I stand here facing what I thought would never come. In many ways I have fulfilled what I wanted to six years ago. I have a job in PR and I love it. I will have a degree that I earned, with much effort and obsacles that should have held me back.

I think I am sorta prepared for the real world but I know I have much to learn and in many ways I need to grow. So here I am scared but moving onward trusting that God will not leave me when I need Him the most, when I need courage and strength to finish my race down the hallway.

I am so thankful for my time I have had at BYU, and for the future that scares me. I am glad I am not alone on this journey and I am so grateful for the turns twists and bumps. For my family and the friends I have had and will have as I continue moving forward with faith. I couldn't have made it this far without you.

Bring it on, let's get this done and we can make it together!

Some things I have been thinking about recently…

Bridal Veil Falls: Climbing Up and Down

Persecution, Struggle, Overcoming, and Giving Up

What is it like to be persecuted?

A few words that come to mind: painful, scary, hard, hopeless, unsure, threatened, and hurt.  I am sure there are many more emotions, feelings, thoughts and deep down pains that go along with persecution. Many, not only for those being persecuted but the persecutor, feel these feelings.  Persecution is treating someone with hate that is different than you, simply because you do not like them you cause them grief, pain and hardship.

How long can someone withstand persecution?

Many have gone through persecution, and for their endurance I commend them. Endurance is not an easy task, it takes 

courage, motivation that things will get better, and trust that you are not alone in the persecution you face.

How is struggle different than persecution?

Struggle to me is something that is similar but not exactly the same as persecution. Struggle may be from interior circumstances, or external circumstances, things you can change and things you cannot. Persecution is inflicted on someone because they may be different, or they think or behave differently. Being persecuted is not a choice that is made by the persecuted, but by the persecutor. 

Why do we like to struggle?

Struggle means we are fighting; it means we are facing the un-faceable.  We are working hard to keep our head above the water. At the BYU Museum of Art  where I work there is an exhibition called William Lambson his work is in the electronic gallery. There is a video where he is struggling in a river. He is trying to get on a contraption that once he gets balanced he appears to be standing on the water. He tries over and over again to get on top of this contraption.  Eventually he makes it he gets it all level and it appears like he is standing on the water, even walking on the water. This exhibition really made me think about struggle. There are times we feel like giving up, letting go of what is keeping us afloat, but somehow we still don’t let go even if we are barely holding on. As we struggle we get stronger. There are times when we struggle harder than others but every time we struggle we get stronger to face the next challenge.

Why overcoming and struggle go hand in hand?

View from the Y trail

I know that none of this is new to anyone, and people have thought about this all the way back o the beginning I am sure, but we cannot overcome unless we struggle first. Without a struggle overcoming something would not mean anything really. A good friend of mine, Michelle Walker, talked about this in terms of climbing mountains. She told of story of climbing Mt. Timpanogus to see the sun rise. She was having a hard time and someone in her group stayed behind and put his hand on her shoulder and encouraged her to keep climbing. The sun was almost ready to rise and she said lets not go to the top, let’s watch form here, but her friend pushed her to continue. They made it to the top. She had tears in her eyes when she said this was the most glorious sunrise she had ever seen. She had to struggle to overcome. She had to climb that mountain. Every time I think of overcoming I think of climbing mountains.

What does it mean to really give up?

To me it means to sit down where you are, to stop climbing, to turn around, to not get back up when you fall. Now there are many times I feel like I have fell in my life, literally and figuratively.

 One time that particularly stands out to me is about a year ago I fell and I hit the back of my head playing broom hockey. The severity of the fall gave me a grade 3 concussion, life got really hard. I was forgetful, I couldn’t drive, work, watch tv, read, use electronics. All I could do was sleep and sit on a swing outside, talk and eat. I felt like I had lost a part of me, to this day part of me is still gone. I still have headaches daily, and I still forget many, many things. I never knew how much one event could change someone so much.  There had been so many times here at school, and at work where I have felt like it would never get better. When it first happened I never thought I would be able to focus again, or to remember everything someone said in conversations we had, or how to get from this place to that even though I lived there my whole life, and the roads hadn’t changed. I thought and felt like it would never get better.

Here it is one year later, still recovering, but I am getting better each day. One small step at a time, I am remembering things better, and in many ways things seem a blur over the last while. It is hard to remember some things, and I think gaps will always be there, but I am definitely changed.

To me this was one of the biggest literal falls I have ever gone through. But I got up. Each day I choose to get up and struggle, so that one day I can overcome, and I will overcome.

Overcoming this is my choice so some extent, but at the same time it is up to my head and body too. But it is my job for me to take care of my body so it can heal, that is my choice. I choose to be happy, and to continue when I don’t want too. There are many times I felt like sitting down and crying and there are many times that I have. But I got back up.

If you are feeling like the struggle is too much, or the climb is not worth it. Keep reminding yourself that you can sit down but only if you will get back up. If you are being persecuted there is hope. There is a song called Living Proof (to the left) and it reminds me of what it means to continue in the fight.

I am the living proof that you don't have to give up. You are not alone even though it may seem like you are. You are not. Open your eyes and see that everyone is fitting their own battle, and that is why we have each other, so we dont have to face the dark alone. I want you to know that I love you and you are loved. Take luck my friends, and dont be afraid to climb those mountains. 

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger

This week has been rather exciting. Today was rather long, and the weird thing is after long weekends it is always hard to get started again. But at the same time I was thankful for a rest for my brain and just to catch up on sleep and relax. There has been a lot of things I have been thinking about recently, mostly I try to focus on whatever needs my attention at that time. Sometimes it works better than others. A few things that I have been learning about and thinking about:

- How much food is integrated into our lives, it controls social situations, it influences relationships, food is more than a physical relationship, it is an emotional and a mental relationship with not only our bodies but with others.
-I have been thinking a lot about Dress and Grooming and the standards of appearance, what messages are people trying to send by the way that they dress?
- India has given me a new obsession, it is so interesting and totally different than any other place I have ever learned about, there is something about it that makes it enchanting.
- Learning HTML and how to create and fix websites. This whole HTML stuff is new to me, but hopefully I can figure it out without having to take a class.
- Beauty and Belief which is a new Exhibit in the Museum of Art. Today was the Press Conference, which it was so great to be there and to learn and feel the excitement of this new exhibit, and how many beautiful things are there that not only teach me about Islamic culture but about my own ideas and concepts behind beauty.
- I have been thinking a lot about place, and how we talk about our favorite places.
- I have been thinking about how certain words bring certain connotations, sometimes words cannot effectively express our thoughts/ideas/emotions, which is why there are other forms of language besides words or an actual language itself.
- I have been thinking a lot about my future and what I want, and how to find what will make me truly happy.
- How Celiac Disease influences everything else, also how this disease really has to do with your choice in reaction and actions toward it and choosing to face certain consequences for certain things.
 
I guess I am definitely tired. But in many ways my body is so tired but I feel like my brain is just starting to come more alive again. I am still struggling but things are getting better and better. At the same time I feel like right now I am living to get by, but hopefully this summer things will slow down a little so I can enjoy the day more, instead of just makin' it. The whole key is that I am actually making it, i am drowning, I am not dead, I am making it. In the end it comes to this song that just came out by Kelly Clarkson: What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger... Now my theme song for the next month :)

Don't go Changin'

So I guess there have been so many things happening in my life, and me trying to make sense of it all with a part functioning brain. I would love to expand on these topics but I think I will just list them out and if you want to hear more about something specific comment and I will expand my thoughts.

-Working as a PR Representative for the College of Fine Arts and Communications and the MOA
- TAing and enjoying working with freshmen, I just wish they were not so quiet
- reading lots and lots for classes
-Learning about INdia and what personhood and identity means to them through out the stages of their lives
- Learning about cultural models and expectations and schemas, and how one comes to terms with all these complicated ideas and concepts that dont even have words for them
-Sleeping lots and lots really on average 9 hours a day for my head
-Still having headaches that last all day but mostly they are starting to stay at the back of my head now so that is a plus
- Taking lots of vitamins and minerals to help rebuild my immune system
- Recognizing that so many people matter to me in my life, sometimes I dont have the guts to say so or even tell them they are important, but I am thankful for some one different every day
- Learning that it is ok to ask for help, even though sometimes I want to try and do it alone
-Learning HTML, and how to connect websites, and create site maps etc.
- learning about Apaches and how they joke, also how places and names and words all create and help us remember meaning and influence for the rest of our lives
- Watching Castle :) highly recommend it
- getting to know my roomies Jessica, Theresea, and Meagan
- remembering that it is ok to cry
- finding out that I really do miss my younger brother, and he makes BYU a better place
- happy about the simple things everyday
- I love saying good morning even when it is not morning time
- cooking lots and lots, mostly veggies and sausages and random things to help keep me full.
- eating lots of oranges and apples, which make me miss the apples from home
- saving my money
- organizing my research
- analyzing it too
- missing my sisters
- learning that it is ok to trust people
-got my hair cut
- got new shoes for work
- got something exciting for myself from amazon :)
-trying to keep my head up

I guess all in all the last month has been one of growth hardship and trial. Today at church we talked a lot about why we face and go through trials. 2 Nephi 1-2 really hit home to me as the teacher talked about why it is all worth it. Michelle said something like " Because Jesus Christ is real, and He lives, that makes it all worth living for." This gave me hope as I have been feeling rather unsure of how to face and deal with the many worries and concerns. It helped me recognize that God is still in my life, He still loves me, He has not forsaken me. I am glad to know He is there, and that He can here me, help me and heal me. It is a process and one which requires patience and trust but I know He will help if we only ask him too.

I say to you and to myself, Don't give up because you have something worth fighting for!

Life gets faster and faster...

I have been doing my undergraduate research recently and I have been learning a lot. I thought I was good at socializing before but I am realizing I sure still have a lot to learn about listening. I also have spent more time thinking about the blessings that have come from being home, my calling at church and also having a concussion.

For the most part I have been thinking a lot about Christ and His life and what it means to apply the atonement in my life, what it means to go through the repentance process. Today, I taught the Relief Society lesson and I used the water with food coloring drops being put in and applying the atonement was like pouring in the bleach. Which actually does take the color out of the water, I was slightly surprised.

So for the list of blessings from having a concussion:
- I got time to wind down from a hard few years at school.
- I got to spend time with my family and particularly Joslyn and Reid.
- I was able to make and be friends with Katlin Dexter
- Learning to put myself first. Understanding my priorities.
- Learning my own personal limits.
- Learning that time heals all wounds and that it is ok that it takes time for healing.
- My relationship with Jesus Christ was and continues to be strengthened because I had time to think, ponder, listen, pray and feel the Holy Ghost influence my life.
- I finally got time to work through some of my own concerns and scars from other parts of my life.
- I learned to let things go that are beyond my control, I think I am still learning this.
- I learned that I have to organize my time and to use my time effectively.
- I learned that I have to write things down, so I can remember them.
- I learned to be more organized in my brain and in my life.
- I learned to think better, think clearer.
- I learned how to understand my own thought processes and start to change them when I am thinking about things that are not positive.
- I am learning/learned to be flexible with my time/plans/schedule.
- I learned that those who really care will make the effort to make my life easier.

Overall, I know that it may not have been or will be the happiest experience in my life, but there are blessings. Like it says in the song " What Faith Can Do"  You have to face the clouds to find the silver lining. There is silver lining in my life even though it is kind of a storm right now.

The joy is I know that I can make it through any storm as long as I continue to include my Father in Heaven in my plans and as long as I trust that Christ's suffering and atonement really works and can heal all wounds.

Life as I know it.

So it has been forever since I updated my blog, but life has been good. I have recently rediscovered how much I enjoy some harder music. not on a daily basis but when I need to get pumped up or get myself excited for something. My friend Katlin gave me the Skillet CD and this is their first track and I love it :) 

Life is going well. I am staying home in WA to do research for my undergraduate degree in Anthropoogy, which I am excited/nervous/ happy about. I guess I probably am procrastinating by writting on my blog, but hey don't we all do that?!? haha

I am happy and in so many ways my life is so blessed. Reid leaves for his mission in a few weeks to Fortaleza Brazil, so that is an exciting thing coming up. It is crazy to me how fast time flies, especially when we are focusing on others and other things. I have been learning and growing a lot this summer. Not only physically, but mostly mentally and spiritually. I have really come to understand how much Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us. How so many times we want to go or do this one thing, and we feel right about a certain choice, and then we make that choice work towards it and it changes or takes you down a different path, you take lots of detours and you turn around, you take wrong turns, and you take right turns, even left turns sometimes too... haha... but really if you are striving to follow and do what you know and feel is right, then blessings come in ways we cannot imagine or understand.

Also I really have learned more about the atonement of Jesus Christ. He lived and died for us. He loves us. Something that Reid said in his farewell talk yesterday stands out to me about being more like Christ. He said" Charity is not loving someone because Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love them. True Charity is loving someone how Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love them." This really made me think a lot about letting my heart be changed towards others and also towards myself. Love is the best and most important motivator. All we do stems from love, or lack of it. So my question I want you to think about, if you or anyone else ever reads this, is: Where is the Love? Where can we find it and how can we know it is real? What does love mean to you? What does it feel like?

For me love is a smile, a laugh, a hug, a heart to heart talk, crying on a friends shoulder, having a friend cry on my shoulder, selfless service, someone doing the little things that I either hate doing or dont have time to do. There are more ways but to me love shatters all doubt and fear, trust remains and it is enduring. a scripture comes to mind. 1 Corinthians 13. This whole chapter is about faith, hope and charity, which to me is love, pure love.

Anyhow, I am happy and life is good. In so many ways I feel so blessed. Life as I know it is better than I thought it could be :)

The Blessings of the Gospel

This last week I finished reading the Book of Mormon. I started in mid-december, and finished at the end of february. I think this is one of the fastest times I have ever read it all at once. This time as I read I learned a few things:
- the timeline of the book of mormon, and the order of events.
- I forgot how violent Ether is, and how quickly those people forgot about The lord delivering them, how quickly do I forget?
- I also learned an important lesson while I was reading in 3 Nephi (8:5 and 10:18) with my mom, We were looking at the length of time it was from the earthquakes coming to the people and the time that Christ came. The earthquakes happened in the "thirty and fourth year in the first month on the fourth day of the month." and Christ came and manifest himself unto them at the "end of the thirty and fourth year." They were called to repentance and approximately eleven months later Christ came to see them. It was not a quick fix. They had to go through that same process as many people do now.
-I also have felt an increase of understanding come, sometimes I forgot myself and I feel like I am part of the story, living and breathing in what is happening, forgetting time and place.
- I also really love how much the Book of Mormon talks of Christ, and His mercies. He is always helping someone, healing someone, answering their prayers comforting someone, loving someone. This book truly testifies of Him and His ministry.

In conclusion, I want to bear my testimony.  I know that this book, The Book of Mormon is true, without a doubt in my mind. It is not just some story from the past. It is what truly happened years ago. This book, has the answers to life, and through the Holy Ghost we can know the truth of all things. I know that Jesus Christ is my savior, and it is only through Him and His life, His sacrifice that I able to live everyday. I know that it is only through His atonement, that I can be made whole. I know that He knows who I am and that He truly cares about me. I am not alone and because of Christ has descended below all things, He knows what pain, sin, temptations, heart break, loneliness, sorrow, sadness, and sickness is, and He knows how to make all of those things feel better. I know that He loves us and thinks of us often. We are on the palms of His hands, and He is with us, even when we think He is not there. I know that I can never repay Christ for the things He has done for me, that is impossible. But I will live my life trying to do what I feel is right, serving Him and serving others, to show Him how grateful I am for His infinite and all encompassing sacrifice.

Life is hard, but thankfully we can and will make it when we rely and trust in Jesus Christ.

Thanksgiving and End of the Semester Surprises

When I was home for thanksgiving, we took the four-wheelers out and pulled doughnuts. It was pretty fun, really cold, and Joslyn tipped over a four-wheeler, it was kind of funny. This is where we filmed each other, and where we waited until our turn to drive. Thanksgiving was fun, it was good to be home and to get a break before I had to go back to school and face the end of a semester.

So the end of this semester had lots of surprises. Me and Mary are the only ones staying in our apartment, which makes me sad, because I love our apartment. But  I know that they are doing what they feel like is best and right for them, and thankfully they wont be too far away. 

I am still dating Preston and that has been going well. As in any dating relationship it has ups and downs and occasional confusion. But right now things are great. Before I left for Germany, we danced in a parking lot to a song, it was really cute.

 

This is from when Preston and I went with our ward to look at the Lights on Temple Square. 

It was really fun to go to Salt Lake and see the lights, We also got to see Jennie and Chris. Which was fun too.

The end of classes was really stressful for me, I am still recovering. It was a lot of work all at once, and in many ways I feel like I could have prepared more, but it is all over and done with. At least I got decent grades. I am getting better at school, but it still is hard, I guess learning is never really an easy thing to accomplish, all that matters is that I continue to learn and grow.I did enjoy my classes this semester, I learned a lot, and I learned about many things that I am going to need to prepare for so I can find a job with my major.

Madeline chewing up a piece of Orange.

Now I am in Germany visiting Geneil and Josh and Madeline. It is very cold here and the last couple of nights we have been adventurous and we have gone to a couple of Christmas Markets. Last night we went to one in Bavaria, which is part of Germany, it is like Texas is to the United States. It was really fun, but rather cold, there is a lot of snow here, which is beautiful but it makes it hard to be out for long. Madeline is talking up a storm, sadly we still can't understand her very well. There are some things we understand but most of her talking is gibberish. But she definitely understands us. It has been really fun to feed her real food. She really likes the little oranges, we give her half of a slice of orange and she chews it until the juice is all out, then she spits out the skin.
She also loves to laugh. Every time someone laughs she starts to laugh too. She covers up her mouth with both her hands and laughs away. It is funny because sometimes she laughs at things when they are not intended to be funny and she makes us all lighten up.

Church was canceled today because of the snow and the ice, and snow plows typically don't do much on Sunday because in Germany most people stay inside and enjoy quiet time.I am glad I still have lots of time before I go back to school. I am not really ready to start again. I honestly am slightly nervous about going back, and starting over. But, new starts are always nice, it just will take some time for me to get used to the idea. I will try to update this more with my adventures in Germany. 

The Last Month and a Half. GREAT!

So where do I start...
According to the sound of music it is the very beginning... so here goes, lol:

Since September 15th, I have been busy with many things.
School, has been great. Full of new ideas, and lots of tests but I am doing well and enjoying the things I am learning. I am still loving my Biological Anthropology Class which has been very enlightening to the truth of evolution. I still am not sure what I think about it, but I know that it is very intriguing. It is interesting in more ways than one, and that we really are much more advanced than monkeys or gorillas.

Reid, Curtis, Alicia and I went to General Conference

I had some awesome experiences being at the conference center for most of conference this year. It was very cool  to be there and feel the messages the Prophet and Apostles had for the members of the church.  Some talks that really stood out to me include: President Ucktdorf , Elder Richard G. Scott, Elder Bednar, Elder Packer, Elder Cook, Elder Eyring, President Monson. It was such a cool experience to be there.

Preston and I at Aunt Marilyn's House

Together at the Ward Halloween Party Oct. 30

I also started dating a marvelous boy, Preston Morgan. Today it has been three weeks that we have officially been dating. But since our first date we have seen each other every day and talked as well. He gives amazing hugs, and he is so humble. I definitely falling for him. ha ha. One of my favorite things that we do together is go for walks. We get to talk and catch up, it is really nice. I really am enjoying having him as a friend. He is growing on me each day. He always tells me adorable things, about how much he likes me and how great I am. I feel so lucky to just be dating him. I am learning and growing so much as I spend time with him.

I also am loving where I live. My roommates are great! Mary is awesome we talk each morning because she gets back so late at night. Heidi is just always so happy and fun, and she has helped me a lot when I have been sick this semester. Chanda is always so giving, she serves me all the time. Katelin always encourages me, and reminds me how important the gospel is. Sara is so fun to laugh with, she helps me be grateful for the simple things, and to recognize the happy things in life.
This is all of us but Chanda, having a random unplanned dance party in our kitchen. We dressed up like Thugs and danced away our stress all together it was awesome bonding time :) 

Also, It was great to have Geneil and Josh and Madeline come visit us. They came after General Conference for homecoming weekend at the beginning of October.  It has been so good to see them so much this year. I also really have felt a stronger relationship between me and Geneil. We have been working on talking each week, and staying caught up on each others lives and the things we each are facing. I am so grateful for her. I love her and her family so much. Josh has also been very helpful. He is always giving me dating advice, and being supportive of me. J-Dawg has always been there for me and that makes me glad. I also can not get over how cute Madeline is. She always laughs with me and it makes me so happy that she recognizes me. The other day Geneil was on facebook looking at my page and M started waving to my picture because she thought it was me in real life. We skyped and she waved again. It makes me happy that she knows who I am.

Reid and I also went to Harry Potter 7 the midnight showing. Which was really fun. It was fun to see with him. We didn't like this movie as much as the others but it was still fun. It still blows me away that he is here at BYU with me. But he is learning and growing and learning how to be positive, and it has been a great experience for him. I see how happy he is, and that he is growing and that makes me happy. He still is one of my best friends, and I love how well we get along with each other. It has been super nice to have him here to vent with, laugh with, supporting each other, and to just know I am not alone.

Overall, This semester has been the best I have ever had. Last winter is definitely pretty close to my favorite but this one is winning. I just am loving the things in my life, including my ward and the support and service they give everyone. I feel so blessed to be alive at this time and here at BYU. It is crazy how much the Lord blesses you when you are doing what is right. His hand is in ALL things. It is also crazy I have met some really amazing people in my classes and I have gotten to know them on deeper levels and in many ways I feel like we have been able to answer each others prayers. I feel so much hope, and so much love.

I am so lucky, and things are just GREAT!

Another Crazy Start here at the Y

Wow...
Time fly's by so fast. I cannot believe it is the middle of September already. It seems like just yesterday I went home for the summer, left for Germany, was an EFY Counselor, and was killing mosquitoes, was a the beach in Oregon, and then at Kelli's wedding.

I am doing well enjoying my classes a lot. Learning a bunch about applied anthropology, medical anthropology and evolution. It is interesting to learn at here at BYU and see how much of it really does influence the rest of the world. I also have been starting to figure out what and where I should do my field work. I also have decided to try to go to grad school and get a masters in medical anthropology. Maybe just maybe I can have an influence on the world by going into this particular subject or field.

We will definitely have to see, where this will take me, I am excited and nervous all at the same time.

Another class I am really enjoying is my Family History class. I am learning how to do research and learning a lot about my ancestors and the legacy they left behind. It is crazy for me to realize that these people are real, they once lived here on this earth. They wanted to be remembered, and they wanted to be happy too. It blows me away... they are not just a name, they really lived.

I am really happy. Enjoying my new ward, and meeting new people. This weekend I have a ward social which I am really excited for. It should be great! Overall, I have just been enjoying my life one day at a time, trying to focus on now and the things that I am faced with, and for the most part I have been really happy!

Here We Go Again!

I am trying not to think about the next couple weeks...
4 Tests
4 Papers one of which is 12 pages long
Moving/ Packing up
Cleaning Checks
Relief Society Lesson
Going home to kill bugs and be with family- this one makes me excited:) 

It doesn't seem like much but for some reason this year I am feeling a little more overwhelmed than usual. I think maybe it is because I will be packing up and moving and cleaning this year without my mom, she typically comes and helps me out. I think I will and already am realizing how much she does for me. Not only during my finals week, and my starting week each year at school, but the fact that she does so much more than just those things.
She teaches me, loves me, talks with me, laughs and cries with me. She protects me, strengthens me, and gives me hope. She truly has influenced and blessed my life, in more ways than she is aware. I am so glad I am able to know, and have a friendship with my mom. It makes a world of difference.

Recently, I have been working on a paper for my symbolic anthropology class, which is discussing the way that we physically show love, and the importance of showing and sharing that feel/emotion. It is through the actions of my mom and others that I see I am loved. Love cannot be seen or understood without the expression of others, or the actions, whatever that action or expression may be.

I am grateful for the ability to see love, and know I am loved. It will make the difference in the next two weeks of business, not be that bad and worth the reward. A break, time with my family, time in Germany with my sister and niece, and then a whole summer of enjoying my siblings and parents.

Exciting Adventures

So far this semester has been an adventure but my life is abut to get even more exciting...

I have been taking anthropology classes and figuring out my pre-requisites for a master degree in Occupational Therapy- which is a lot like Physical Therapy- I am super excited about this. This summer i have the chance to do some volunteer work with a neighbor of mine who is working with horses and kids with autism etc. I am excited to learn new thingsand see what this therapy technique is like.

I also am probably going to visit the beautiful country of Germany, for the first time leaving the country, I am thrilled at this chance of a life time, to see new things and love the world more than I already do :)

I also am going to just modge-pogde my whole summer together for work, riding on a scooter again doing storm drains to kill those mosquitoes, delivering phone books, working on the farm and possibly being an EFY counselor but I am still waiting to here back on that one, we will see, all I know is I am thrilled to go home, be with my family, get a break, and do lots of fun things. Including ride a scooter tons, get a tan, help my parents, be with my siblings, and see the stars and sun rises again. O the joys of living in the country, with no city lights or buildings in my way.

It is not long now until I get to begin this grand adventure, but I guess I am finishing up a grand adventure, getting ready to start the next chapter in my life. I am grateful for the chapter I am finishing. I have learned so much in so little time, I have learned to trust and love, to understand, to accept things I wish I could change, and to learn that knowing is different than seeing or believing, and I know that everything will be ok. It jsut takes hope, faith, courage and the motivation to keep trying.

It is so crazy how sometimes what you think is what is best for you turns out to not be the best but the option you did take was better. Its been good times, hard times, sad times, busy times, growing times, and amazing times. Heavenly Father is definitely blessing my life in so many ways!

Can you meet me half-way?

           Right up the borderline that's where I'm gonna wait...for you.

The semester is over half way through, and I really wish that I could be done, I am in need of a break, my brain is starting to get fried like french fries. ButI am learning so so much. 

I have been learning a lot about music, literature, art, symbols, and cultures from the 15th century up until our day. For my anthropology class I also have been reading a book called Let Your Words Be Few: Symbolism and Silence in Quaker Ideology, By Richard Bauman.  So far I have read about the importance of silence in their culture, and how they only speak if they feel if God is speaking through them. I wonder how much less we would say if we all did this. I also wonder if it would change how well we listen to each other and the spirit, would we be able to follow and hear promptings more? Is it important to take that quiet time each day to hear your own thoughts. Bauman also talks of how they believed that silence was a way to line your will up with God's, you are giving yourself to God. 

I am enjoying this book more than anything else, it is increasing my understanding of symbols and how real everything is in my life. Symbols surround us: words, language, sounds, pictures, our name, time, personality, personhood, colors, shapes, acronyms, light and darkness, right and wrong, facial expressions, body movement, and emotions/feelings. 

It is crazy to think about how these things are all around us, making it hard to know exactly how else we would express ourselves, share our ideas if we didn't have words or pictures.

I also am starting to feel homesick a little. Missing my siblings, and my parents, missing my older sisters and brother-in-laws, and my niece. I am ready to spend some more time with them, to laugh, to be me, to just be with them and enjoy their company. I sure love them and it has taken me a long time to see how important they are to me, I really could not live without them. They are a huge part of me, and I am so happy they are such a big part. As we have all grown up and changed, learned and grown, we have been able to support each other more, and love each other more. I wish they could meet me in Idaho for the weekend. lol. 

I feel a big change coming on in my life and I am not sure what it is. I hope I am ready for it.

More new to replace the old.

I guess this time in my life is all about the NEW...

I have been working through things that have been hard for a couple months now, finally letting myself feel things even if they are intense. And its working, I was nervous to let myself go, and just focus on what I needed to do to work through it but so far its helping.

I was talking with a close friend yesterday night about things and she introduced me to some new music. I am learning to love it more and more.

The song is called Rise up by Ben Lee. Some of my favorite lyrics include:

And every things weird
But soon they'll be gone
Cause our whispered words
are louder then bombs
so don't you lose faith
say its no fun
cause we've come to far to stop
before we're done

You and me are gonna rise up
and they will be surprised, yep
You and me are gonna rise up
and they will be surprised, yep
(They will be)

Sometimes we get lost
But soon we'll be found
This is far to important
To turn back now

I guess the main point I want to share is that even though things are hard and different than we plan or count on, we cannot give up. We have come this far and as long as you have something to hold on to even if it is a small thing hold on tight and hope for the best. Because 'Everything is okay in the end; If it is not okay it is not the end.'

So I guess its time to eat the elephant one bite at a time, and keep moving forward.