Its been a while... I am still alive!

Been a while.

Here I am being an adult...even though my mom says I have been one since I was 6.  Today I paid my bills online... Kind of a strange feeling. I also have a new car. And also my company that I work for was bought by another company... they keeping saying it will be such a good thing to go through for my career at such a young age.

I also live in a new city. And I continue to get lost until i find the main streets. You would think in Utah that every street would connect to I-15. lol.

I am excited for the summer and I am also realizing I am almost halfway to 50. I will be 24 soon. The ironic thing is many times I still look like, and get mistaken for a freshman...in high school. But the good news is, I am smart enough that people realize sooner than later I am not 15.  

I am very excited that my brother Reid comes home from his mission soon about 2.5 months. And in about the same amount of time I will be able to see my oldest sister and her family. I also hope by then i have somewhat of a tan.

I have been meeting lots of new people, caring, loving, people, for which I am so thankful. God is surely blessing my life as I continue to walk down the path.

I realized today that sometimes we dont recognize that we are on the right path until we have looked back after we continue walking unsure of where the path may be.

So i know this is short but stay on your path, follow your heart and mind, and dont be afraid of what is before you because it must be something great. 

Trying to Remember

The last month has been really interesting. Today particularly. I have been thinking back trying to remember things from my life. growing up, who I was then and who I am now. Things have been foggy. It is hard to remember back very far. The things I do remember were the hard things that I had to work through so i thought about them a lot, so it is easier to remember those times. Or times and things that I wish I never had to face.

Today I wish that I could remember more happy times. Specific happy times. I have times recently within the last couple of years, that I remember really well. Coming home for Christmas. Spending time with Joslyn and Reid, Mom and Dad. Going to Germany spending time with Geneil. Being an EFY Counselor. Teaching my favorite group of students. Graduating from BYU. And I faintly remember other times before that, but it is hard to grasp them. I am happy now.  But why can't I remember those other times too. 

I feel odd today. In so many ways, and I don't know the answer or reason. I dont know why it is hard to remember. I know that I got a concussion, but I am tired of chalking all of this memory trouble to that or my headaches or me asking someone the same question 5 or 6 times.

I feel so strange. I graduated from college? What? This was never going to come but here it is. This is dream like, but so real. I am scared I will wake up and it will all be gone. I am happy with who I am and I love myself again, one of the few times I have really loved myself my whole life. Is it just going to go away like it did before? Am I going to lose my best friends like I have every time I get them? 

I guess that what I am trying to say is that life is hard. Sometimes it is hard to understand and sometimes it is hard to know why or what is happening, but it is ok. Maybe today was a hard day and January was a good but hard month. But it is ok. Reality will come back sooner or later, and I pray everyday that all those happy memories will as well. 

A year in review...2012 and onto 2013

Looking back over this last year has been a blessing and a curse. Within the last year I have had many successes, many accomplishments, many trials, many embarrassments, but overall many new understandings.

Some successes, accomplishments, and exciting things:

At the Festival of Colors #4 

At the Coast. # 26

 



Christmas Morning # 29

1. I went back to school with a concussion, and memory problems.
2. I finished the semester with a Semester GPA of 3.53. 
3. I worked 2 amazing jobs, TA for Anthropology 101, and I was a Public Relations Representative for the BYU CFAC. 
4. I got to go to the Festival of Colors.
5. I made many new friends, that have helped me through some of the hardest times. 
6. I got to joy of having a new niece Laci and a few of my cousins and dear friends added to their families and mine too. 
7. I learned HTML and CSS (very basic). 
8. I learned how to play pinochle.
9. I went to a bunch of MOA exhibitions, some of my favorites included:  

Beauty and Belief: Crossing Bridges with the Arts of Islamic Culture

Think Flat: The Art of Andy Warhol and Takashi Murakami: Selections from the Freedman Family Collection and the BYU Museum of Art

In the Shadows of Timpanogos: Photographs by John Telford


10. I moved 2 times.
11. I wrote my Undergraduate Thesis.
12. I still had 2 jobs. 
13. I did not fail any of my classes my last semester.
14. I graduated from BYU with a degree in Socio-Cultural Anthropology. 
15. I gained weight, now time to lose a few pounds lol. 
16. I got to see my family in: April, May, August, October, November and December. 
17. I got to Skype with my Brother Elder Reid Empey who is serving his mission in Brazil. 
18. I learned a lot about communicating with others. 
19. I lost my phone and wallet and keys at least 40 times. 
20. I got to see Les Miserable in theaters. 
21. I got to ride in a gator for the first time. 
22. I got to teach my favorite Anthro 101 Lab. 
23. Ryan introduced me to a new game Mouse Hunt. 
24. I was introduced to doTERRA, and I love their products and oils. 
25. I still love Sheffield Cider. 
26. I got to spend time at one of my favorite places, The Oregon Coast. 
27. I got to know my parents better this year. "Did you know that you Rock today?" 
28. I got my hair cut super short :) 
29. I got a White Christmas, with a Beautiful Sunrise.  
30. I have friends and family who love me. 

I will skip the embarrassing things that happened. 

But overall I am just very thankful for this last year. I have grown in ways I didn't know were possible. My mind was opened, and I was able to learn and grow. I was able to learn and grow closer to God and to the Savior, Jesus Christ. I hope I was able to become more Christ-like, more loving, more understanding, and more patient. I am so thankful for another year to learn and grow. and hopefully not starve. 

I am most thankful for the opportunity to love and to be loved. Thanks for being part of this year. 

So far 2013 has been pretty good. I still cant believe that I am no longer in school. I think it might take a few months for this feeling to wear off.

Thanks Dad! # 27 

The End is in Sight...

Is it the end of the world? or the end of College? For all I know it is the end of both.

Right now I have no motivation to write a paper or prepare for a couple presentations. I have given up on a few small assignments that I technically should do but I can still get a decent grade without doing them.

Life has been strange. It has been a mix of joy, pain, awesomeness and complicated drama.

When people find out I am graduating, they always respond with questions like: What are you doing next? Why aren't you married yet? What can you really do with Anthropology? Are you going to grad school?

The answer to all these questions right now is I am unsure of the Future. I only know a few things. First, I am going to find a Real Job, one where I can earn money and stop living pay check to pay check, not that I dont love living like this, but recently I think that I would rather be homeless than live pay check to pay check.

Second, I am glad I am not married yet. I feel like Heavenly Father has a plan for me and it is ok that I am not married.

Third, You can do everything/anything you want with Anthropology. I love Anthropology because is it has taught me to see others as the Savior sees them, it has taught me that the outside is a reflection of the inside but you can never know what is happening on the outside until you look under the surface and dig deep to understand the aspects that influence someone. I also have learned I can never really walk a mile in anyones shoes fully. There are things I can understand and try to understand, but I can only observe and recognize and acknowledge what they are experiencing.  I can only try to understand, and in some ways I should try to understand in other ways it is ok that I do not understand. That is why they go through it and can express what they have learned. And I can only imagine what it means to face what they go through. In all things Christ has faced what each of us has, he is the only one that has walked a mile in our shoes. Anthropology has also taught me that there is so much good in the world among the bad and when you seek out good, that is what you will find, and vice versa.

Fourth, am I going to Grad school?
That is a good question. I would like to sometime but I do not know if I will get there. Recently I have been thinking about the skills that I have and the things that I truly love doing. I love teaching, I love technology and I love people. So maybe I will become a teacher or I will work in Public Relations.
The good news is that the world is not ending in a few weeks so I can figure it out.

Overall, Right now I feel a bittersweet victory. I have accomplished something that I have focused on, worked on, prayed about, cried about, fought for, and given my all for. I made it. But have I really made it? I think that right now is the end but also the beginning of a new adventure, a new place for me to learn, grow, and strive to be who I want to become.

I can never put in words what my heart is saying every time it beats.

It beats slow, and it beats fast. It hurts but it feels peace. It doesn't stop beating. It beats slow and fast.

Am I prepared for this next step?
Maybe I have doubts about what it means to be prepared for this, but I am ready to give life a try. I am ready and I have learned that with every change brings the unexpected. Unexpected happiness, trials, frustrations and skills.

Bring on the unexpected. Bring on the unknown. Here I am stepping into the dark with the hope and the sight to see the light at the end.

Perspective

Kathryn Shulz Ted 2011 :

" The miracle of your mind is not that you can see the world as it really is, but as it really isn't."

Some Talks on ted by Kathryn Shulz:

On Being Wrong 

Don't Regret Regret


It's All How You See It....Perspective it sure does a lot.

Starting my sixth year at BYU... Perspective.

So what a few years it has been. I feel like I did when I left for my first semester at BYU. So unsure of what is ahead, unsure of what the future holds. I had hopes for being a communications major, being successful at PR and married by now with everything all planned out. By the end of my sophomore year I realized that communications would be my minor instead. And by the end of my first semester of my junior year I knew Anthropology was the road I needed to walk. by the end of
my fourth year I was doing my own research and by the end of my fifth year I was ready to be done.

All along this journeying have been unsure of the road ahead but light has always shown me a few steps ahead. It has had many ups and downs. I have learned about myself and some of what I see I love and some of what I see I have really wished could be different. But here I am after almost six years, a much better person than I ever thought I could be. I learned compassion, understanding, that it is ok to have trials, it is onto change, and that everyone has things that are harder than what they want to face. I have learned what it means to have true friends and to be a true friend. I have learned it is about learning and the desire to grow versus the score I got on tests. I learned the God has been with me in the darkest and the lightest times and he will continue to do so. I have learned it is ok to show others that you are weak and that you are strong. That it is ok to love who I am and what I can become with Heavenly Father's help. I am still learning patience but eventually I will learn it :)

And here I am heading my sixth year and my final semester, I never thought I would make it this far. I would never make it to the end of the long hallway that is college. Yet I stand here facing what I thought would never come. In many ways I have fulfilled what I wanted to six years ago. I have a job in PR and I love it. I will have a degree that I earned, with much effort and obsacles that should have held me back.

I think I am sorta prepared for the real world but I know I have much to learn and in many ways I need to grow. So here I am scared but moving onward trusting that God will not leave me when I need Him the most, when I need courage and strength to finish my race down the hallway.

I am so thankful for my time I have had at BYU, and for the future that scares me. I am glad I am not alone on this journey and I am so grateful for the turns twists and bumps. For my family and the friends I have had and will have as I continue moving forward with faith. I couldn't have made it this far without you.

Bring it on, let's get this done and we can make it together!

Some things I have been thinking about recently…

Bridal Veil Falls: Climbing Up and Down

Persecution, Struggle, Overcoming, and Giving Up

What is it like to be persecuted?

A few words that come to mind: painful, scary, hard, hopeless, unsure, threatened, and hurt.  I am sure there are many more emotions, feelings, thoughts and deep down pains that go along with persecution. Many, not only for those being persecuted but the persecutor, feel these feelings.  Persecution is treating someone with hate that is different than you, simply because you do not like them you cause them grief, pain and hardship.

How long can someone withstand persecution?

Many have gone through persecution, and for their endurance I commend them. Endurance is not an easy task, it takes 

courage, motivation that things will get better, and trust that you are not alone in the persecution you face.

How is struggle different than persecution?

Struggle to me is something that is similar but not exactly the same as persecution. Struggle may be from interior circumstances, or external circumstances, things you can change and things you cannot. Persecution is inflicted on someone because they may be different, or they think or behave differently. Being persecuted is not a choice that is made by the persecuted, but by the persecutor. 

Why do we like to struggle?

Struggle means we are fighting; it means we are facing the un-faceable.  We are working hard to keep our head above the water. At the BYU Museum of Art  where I work there is an exhibition called William Lambson his work is in the electronic gallery. There is a video where he is struggling in a river. He is trying to get on a contraption that once he gets balanced he appears to be standing on the water. He tries over and over again to get on top of this contraption.  Eventually he makes it he gets it all level and it appears like he is standing on the water, even walking on the water. This exhibition really made me think about struggle. There are times we feel like giving up, letting go of what is keeping us afloat, but somehow we still don’t let go even if we are barely holding on. As we struggle we get stronger. There are times when we struggle harder than others but every time we struggle we get stronger to face the next challenge.

Why overcoming and struggle go hand in hand?

View from the Y trail

I know that none of this is new to anyone, and people have thought about this all the way back o the beginning I am sure, but we cannot overcome unless we struggle first. Without a struggle overcoming something would not mean anything really. A good friend of mine, Michelle Walker, talked about this in terms of climbing mountains. She told of story of climbing Mt. Timpanogus to see the sun rise. She was having a hard time and someone in her group stayed behind and put his hand on her shoulder and encouraged her to keep climbing. The sun was almost ready to rise and she said lets not go to the top, let’s watch form here, but her friend pushed her to continue. They made it to the top. She had tears in her eyes when she said this was the most glorious sunrise she had ever seen. She had to struggle to overcome. She had to climb that mountain. Every time I think of overcoming I think of climbing mountains.

What does it mean to really give up?

To me it means to sit down where you are, to stop climbing, to turn around, to not get back up when you fall. Now there are many times I feel like I have fell in my life, literally and figuratively.

 One time that particularly stands out to me is about a year ago I fell and I hit the back of my head playing broom hockey. The severity of the fall gave me a grade 3 concussion, life got really hard. I was forgetful, I couldn’t drive, work, watch tv, read, use electronics. All I could do was sleep and sit on a swing outside, talk and eat. I felt like I had lost a part of me, to this day part of me is still gone. I still have headaches daily, and I still forget many, many things. I never knew how much one event could change someone so much.  There had been so many times here at school, and at work where I have felt like it would never get better. When it first happened I never thought I would be able to focus again, or to remember everything someone said in conversations we had, or how to get from this place to that even though I lived there my whole life, and the roads hadn’t changed. I thought and felt like it would never get better.

Here it is one year later, still recovering, but I am getting better each day. One small step at a time, I am remembering things better, and in many ways things seem a blur over the last while. It is hard to remember some things, and I think gaps will always be there, but I am definitely changed.

To me this was one of the biggest literal falls I have ever gone through. But I got up. Each day I choose to get up and struggle, so that one day I can overcome, and I will overcome.

Overcoming this is my choice so some extent, but at the same time it is up to my head and body too. But it is my job for me to take care of my body so it can heal, that is my choice. I choose to be happy, and to continue when I don’t want too. There are many times I felt like sitting down and crying and there are many times that I have. But I got back up.

If you are feeling like the struggle is too much, or the climb is not worth it. Keep reminding yourself that you can sit down but only if you will get back up. If you are being persecuted there is hope. There is a song called Living Proof (to the left) and it reminds me of what it means to continue in the fight.

I am the living proof that you don't have to give up. You are not alone even though it may seem like you are. You are not. Open your eyes and see that everyone is fitting their own battle, and that is why we have each other, so we dont have to face the dark alone. I want you to know that I love you and you are loved. Take luck my friends, and dont be afraid to climb those mountains.